


buzzcut season.

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Irondad, One Shot, Short, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, not ship!, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 07:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: and i'll breathe and it goesplay alongmake-believe, it's hyperrealbut i live in a hologram with you.





	buzzcut season.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this fic explores topics such as self harm and suicidal thoughts, which may be upsetting to some readers, please stay safe! the lyrics used in the summary are from the song 'buzzcut season' by lorde.

_ba dum ba dum ba dum ba dum_

the only sound peter could hear was his heart pounding in his own ears, echoing in his skull.

the boy was hunched over on the cold tile floor of the bathroom in the compound, wrist held out in front of him like a canvas, a knife held in the other hand like a paintbrush, experimentally pressing down. enough to make him squirm, but not enough to bleed.  ~~ _he needed more he needed blood_~~.

tears formed in his eyes, burning in his retinas as he stared at the floor. he willed the tears back just as they began teasing his eyelashes. 

peter tried to hold his breath, but his cries seeped through his teeth and his shoulders began shaking with oncoming sobs.

why now?  _why fucking now?_

peter hiccuped, trying to shove his sobs back down his throat with little success.  _i'm tired of feeling like this._ graphic thoughts ran through peter's head at a mile a minute.

he began to shake his head, trying to shake away the thoughts, trying to shake away the thought of turning the knife to his heart and ending it all, trying to shake away the thought of shoving his head under bath water and never coming up.

a knock.

"ah, hey bud, all good? FRIDAY told me you were up." tony's voice was muffled by the door.

a sob ripped from his throat, it was too much. the knife in his hand, the thoughts in his head, tony's voice in his ears.  _it was too fucking much._

another knock, more frantic.

"hey, peter, what's up? peter-"

his voice was nervous and worried as he jiggled the knob, cursing under his breath.

peter shook his head faster, knife shaking with it, so close to making beautiful  _beautiful_ art on his canvas. "go away." he choked out between the pathetic cries falling from his lips.

tony seemed to ignore the request, instead muttering "FRI, you mind opening this up for me?"

the A.I. silently obeyed, peter assumed, as he heard the lock click and all of a sudden he was panicking all over again. "no, go away, go away, please, please." his words grew shakier and shakier, his eyes blurred from tears, losing sight of his arm and knife.

the door opened, a pause, a step, another pause.

"shit, peter." 

maybe he would have taken it as offensive or insulting, but the tone in tony's voice was not a judgmental one. it was a soft one, it was a worried and caring one.

peter breathed heavily through gritted teeth, his hands becoming so sweaty that it became a challenge to even grasp the knife properly.

it was easy for tony to grab the knife, using a little force, but not too much. peter doesn't know where it was put, but now he was freaking out. if he didn't have his paintbrush, how was he supposed to make art? if he didn't have his weapon, how was he supposed to get blood?

"please" he sobbed, doubling over. tony shushed him gently, taking the boy into his arms as he leaned against the bathtub. peter curled into the heat of the older man, soft sobs still spilling from his mouth.

"hey, peter. i'm right here. you're here, i've got you, baby." his words were full of affection and love. peter wishes he could return it, but he can't when he feels so fucking  _empty._

"please let me die" peter cried. the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. tony's whole body seemed to go frozen for a split second before he shivered and held him tighter.

"no can do, bud. i got you. i always got you and i need you right here with me." tony's voice faded out with a crack.

peter shoved his face into tony's shirt, letting his sobs dissolve into loud and deep breaths. the boy squeezed his mentor with all the love he could muster from his dead and dull heart. he deserved it.

"we're gonna get you some help, pete. i'll be with you through the whole thing and you tell me if it gets scary and i'll fight your monsters on my own." tony breathes out, his words muffled by peter's curls.

"with what?" peter asks lamely.

"my bare hands, obviously."

and for now, it would have to be good enough.

 

 

 

 


End file.
